How many calories do you eat in a day? If you don’t know then you are on about the same wavelength as I was a few days ago. When I started this blog, I was adamant that calories would play no part in my work. I used to think that calorie intake was unimportant, that just because I didn’t care, that it meant that no one would care about calories. “Leave that to the healthy eating blogs” I thought. “They care about rubbish fo-shizzle like that!”
But, conversations with friends and family have convinced me that the way people see fo-shizzle such as the calories they consume has a direct impact on the way they see themselves, so on a fortnight ago I decided to do a wee experiment. So guess what this blog is about.
I’ve never been one to count calories – I’ve spent most of my life being underweight, so why would I bother? – and whilst I was thinking of how to blog about calories, it got me wondering, just how many of the blighters do I even eat? I couldn’t answer, and so I decided to find out…
The experiment
I’m 5’10” and ever so slightly underweight, so in other words, I’m a physically average teenage boy in every single way, this means that government advice would have me eating 2700 calories a day.
But how many do I really eat? 2700 is just a figure, how does this really relate to me and the life I lead, does it relate at all? And how will I find a life that sees me obsessing over the food I eat? These are the questions I need answers too, and this is what today’s post will all be about.
The experiment rests upon the 2700 allowance, which seems a lot, I mean that’s nearly 2 loaves of bread and 5 and 1/2 bottles of red wine. It would be criminal to go over that amount, I’m not greedy and I’m not glutinous. So, in theory, this should be easy.
But unfortunately I was not so optimistic and as I lay awake the night before the experiment and thought about this number, it just didn’t seem enough; after all, I like bread and I really like wine. I could see myself going over the given allowance, and for the first time in 18 years I felt a twinge of fear as I thought about the dreaded calorie.
Breakfast
At 8:30, the morning alarm brought me the prospect of both breakfast and an incredible bed head. It also brought me the dread of a 9AM lecture that I religiously woke up to attend. With time only to sort breakfast or the sensational mess on my head, I vainly chose to miss breakfast and clean myself up before running out of my flat, 5 minutes late for my lecture.
Which annoyingly was cancelled.
After cursing for the next five minutes I cheered myself up with the thought that the cancelled lecture (the only lecture of the day) heralded an advancement on my morning breakfast and the coffee that came with it, and so arrived my first calories of the day.
Breakfast for me consisted of:-
- A veggie sausage sandwich with ketchup – 400 calories
- 1 cup of instant coffee – 50 calories
It was at this point that the fears of the previous night began to creep back into focus. It was not even past 10 and I had consumed nearly 500 calories, nearly a 5th of my given allowance in an hour. The really worrying part was that I wasn’t even full! An apple and a coffee saw me through another 100 calories and I watched an episode of family guy to cheer myself up.
As I said, the government recommends a maximum of 2700 calories for a teenage boy. However the government also recommends that the average teenage boy takes 30 minutes of exercise a day, so after breakfast I went on a jog.
This jog taught me many things.
- I don’t know my way around Sheffield. Seriously, I spent most my run wandering aimlessly as I tried to find home :-S
- I’m horrifically unfit.
- Running makes you hungry.
I’m going to focus on the last point as it is the only one of real relevance. After a sizable breakfast, and a snack, here I was with an empty stomach and it wasn’t even past 12. I found myself doubting the experiment, doubting myself.
Then I had lunch…
Lunch
Lunch was a rude awakening. Lunch had me truly baffled. Lunch had me miserable. I could not understand how much I had eaten, how I had managed to get there.
- Orange Juice, 250ml – 100 calories
- Deep Pan Pizza – 950 bloody calories
I’ve probably got some explaining to do. At this point you’ll be wondering why I ate the pizza knowing how many calories it had, and knowing that I would be appalled at myself.
Well for starters, I was hungry after the run. Very hungry. And for seconders (if that’s a word) It’s what I often find myself eating. If I had picked up the pizza, looked at the calories then thrown it down in disgust, it would have been like lying to you.
When i started this experiment I promised myself I wouldn’t lie or cheat my way through it. I told myself that I would show you how an average teenage boy eats; for that is what I am, average. It just so happens that average means that I eat over 1000 calories in one sitting.
As I ate the pizza I only hoped that it would at least fill me till tea time.
10 minutes later I munched on an apple and had more juice (150 calories)
5 minutes later I ate a custard cream (60 calories)
Sainsbury’s don’t sell deep pan Pizza’s, they sell lies. I was not full.
I spent the next hour in a foul mood and, knowing that my allowance was running thin, I began to Google for loop holes, hoping to find a more lenient allowance. Failing that, I obsessed over how many calories were in each thing I had, I had been rounding up and rounding down so far, (I’m rubbish at maths) so I hoped that I had over estimated by 100. I hadn’t, in fact I had consumed a few more calories than the 1750 I had so far counted.
Resigned to this, I gave up my Googling, stuck on a rugby match and cracked open a beer. (120 calories)
Tea
I eventually had 2 beers and some more juice, meaning that by Tea time I was already up to 2090 calories. Luckily for my self esteem, I was only having a wee tea.
- Vegetarian toad in the hole – 500 calories
- gravy – 25 calories
How gravy can have fewer calories than coffee I will never know, but in my current state I was more than happy with the count.
Naturally, that happiness could not last, for I soon became hungry again. Another biscuit, another 60 calories.
But I had made it past tea and only had 2675 calories, right on the money! surely it was over, I could fast for the rest of the night, and rest a happy man! all that worrying for nothing!
Or not.
You see I was going out that night, and going out meant alcohol.
Clubbin’
I thought long and hard about weather to include the calories that came from drinking excessive amounts in this experiment.after all, I was trying to show an average teenage boy- not an alcoholic, and its not as if I go out every night, is it?
However in the end I decided that I go out 3 times a week, and that surely substantiated a genuine need to include drinking in my blog. Plus I was interested, alcohol is never something I’ve thought about calorie wise (neither is Sainsbury’s pizza >:(… But I digress)
So here goes, my list of booze and the calories they contained (please don’t judge me)
- Coffee x2 – 100 calories
- bottle of red wine – 500 calories
- Jaggerbomb x2 – 400 calories
- beer x1 -120 calories
Let that sink in.
Conclusion
It took me a long time to believe this total once I had found the truth; and it wasn’t the hang over that had me reeling.
I was shocked, maybe even appalled by what I had drunk. Over the course of one day, I had consumed 3915 calories.
But after a while I began to think objectively. I wasn’t forcing food down my neck, I wasn’t being purposely unhealthy. I had lived normal day followed by a normal night out, whilst consuming a normal amount of calories. As I digested this calorific quantity, I began to form an epiphany.
I’m 5’10” and ever so slightly underweight, so in other words, I’m a physically average teenage boy in every single way. This means the Government would have me eating 2700 calories a day.
I don’t.
But I am healthy, I am Happy, and I don’t give a shit about how many calories I eat.
I have counted my calories for a day, and I have re-affirmed all my views about the buggers. They don’t matter. You may be told that you can eat a certain amount of calories a day, and you may count them. But if you are healthy, if you feel good, then I ask you this – why bother?
Why not just eat what you want when you want. Why not stop wasting mental energy on counting crappy calories and focus it on something else. Why not write a book? Why not direct a movie?
We humans are wonderful beautiful creatures. We have hunger to tell us when we need to eat, and a metabolism to keep that hunger in check. We don’t need a series of numbers, or a traffic light system to tell us if something is OK to eat; we know if something is OK to eat, because if we didn’t, we’d be the most ridiculously stupid animal on the planet. Our ancestors have known what is OK to eat since life on earth began.
The only thing that separates us humans from the animal kingdom is our ability to use logic. Our mind is a brilliant tool, and it can do anything we want it too, if only we don’t clutter it up with worrying about the immense amount is things that we do.
I know that I might be coming on a bit strong here, but I come on strong for a reason. I obsessed about calories for a day, just one day, and I can safely say that I have never been more miserable in my life.
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So that is my experiment completed and once again if you have an opinion, please let me know 🙂
Much Love,
Dougie
x
P.s sorry Sainsbury’s, I love you really….
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